I was a bit surprised when I stumbled back on this blog tonight. I had created it months ago, and it more or less fell from the back of my mind.
What surprised me most was the title I had given it: "Something beautiful for God." I've recently been struggling, more than usual I believe, to really live the Christian life, to be a light that radiates not anything of myself, but only the goodness and the grace of God. In some ways, I fear that I have begun to create something beautiful for myself- spending my time and efforts creating moments of self gratification rather than generosity. I have become the center, not God. Lord, help me to be selfless in giving myself, my life, totally and unreservedly to You.
So. What is this beautiful thing that I am to create for God? Well.... me. God, in His infinite goodness asks nothing great of me: no heroic deeds done in His name nor powers won give Him glory. These are nothing. In His eyes, we are everything. I am everything to Him. And the beauty I will give him is myself.
It still amazes me, every time I think about it, that God's love is so great for us, for me, that his thirst is so profound for me, that he became incarnate. He came chasing after me! He made himself known in humility, in gentleness, in wisdom, in sacrifice, and in unconditional love. I am called to make myself over in the same way: to be humble, to be wise, to be sacrificing, and to be charitable.
My greatest battle in this self-improvement project is my inability to focus on God as the giver and center of all meaning. Often times, my attention turns to the surface, becoming increasingly shallow as I heed the world's advice to become prettier, thinner, more powerful, etc. In doing so, I not only regress on any improvements I had made, but I even refuse God's call to be drawn closer to Him by allowing myself to more profoundly resemble Him.
I'm reading Mother Teresa's book, "Come be my Light," and I am struck most by her ability to trust God and to lay her entire life at his disposal. This was her prayer to Jesus (altered slightly by myself)
Grant me the grace to do your will.
Use my hands to work
Use my eyes to see
Use my feet to walk
Use my mind to study with
Use my heart to love your children.
Give me the grace to hold nothing back!
I love you Lord Jesus!